Celebrating 20 Years of Marriage

This was equal parts a walk down memory lane and our best attempt to impart some of the wisdom we’ve learned about partnership these last two decades. Thanks for sharing this day with us!

What’s something people don’t tell you about 20 years of marriage?

Karin: No one told me anything! Seriously — everyone was just like, “thank God, he’s nice, good, go, you’re done. Not telling you a thing!” This is like my sister who told me when I was having our first kid, “you’re going to give birth? Don’t read about what happens, don’t look, you’ll be fine.”

Daniel: Here’s what actually happened with us: we met on April 1st, 2005, and by the end of May we had a wedding date booked. And everyone was like “they’re insane, this is a disaster. We’re not going to talk to them about it.”

Karin: Exactly.

Daniel: But they were wrong!

What were your first impressions of each other?

Karin tried to skip this one, because well…

Daniel: Well — I was instantly in love.

Karin: He was instantly in love, and I was wanting to make sure…

What’s a tradition that was accidentally created?

Daniel: I think Christmas at the beach was an accident, wasn’t it?

Karin: One hundred percent. Yes.

Daniel: It started Christmas of 2008. Arya was a baby, I was a depressed guy who’d just lost an election, and Karin was basically dealing with two infants. We were alone over Christmas — I don’t even fully remember why — we had gone to see my parents over Thanksgiving and so we just went to the beach on Christmas. That was 2018.

Karin: That was actually 2008.

Daniel: Wow, good point, 2008. And since then, every single Christmas Day we go to the beach. Often here, sometimes not — and even when we’re somewhere that doesn’t exactly have a beach, we manufacture a beach-adjacent —

Karin: A waterfront opportunity.

Daniel: It’s a really great tradition. I love it.

Karin: It’s a great tradition. Highly recommend it. Please steal it.

What advice would you give people whose partners are in a demanding season of life?

Karin: Lean on your friends.

Daniel: That’s great advice

Karin: Lean on your friends. And — everyone says that when you’re in a demanding season it’s impossible to ask for help. But for sure, if you’re able to, actually ask for help.

Is there a phase of life that brought you closer together?

Daniel: Yeah, and it’s a very mechanical answer, but I think it’s true. The period of time between when I was in the state legislature and, more recently, becoming a congressional candidate — we were just physically together. A lot less remote parenting, a lot less remote relationship. And it mattered a lot for us. Really a lot.

Tell me about one ordinary moment that ended up meaning a lot.

Daniel: I’m going to give an extremely sentimental answer — unsurprisingly. There was a moment in the summer of 2005, in Bucharest. You were spending the summer in Turkey, I came to visit you, and then we went to Romania — because really, what new couple doesn’t take a romantic trip to Romania? We kissed under this tree, and it somehow felt to me like I’d figured out that our lives together were going to be great. We didn’t talk about it. But then you surreptitiously collected a leaf from that tree, framed it, and gave it to me much later. And it was this message that we were able to see the important moments the same way without even needing to say it out loud. I carry that with me — always. Literally always.

Here’s to the next twenty. — Daniel & Karin